Nov. 28th, 2008

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This is in the vein of airing family laundry in public, but really, what else does one do with one's angst these days?

My dad, he has alzheimer's. It's ugly. Up until now, my mother has been taking care of him at home. According to this list, he's somewhere between Stages 5 and 6. This past week, my mom has decided that she can no longer take care of him, and that it's time to get him into a facility.

He is aware enough to beg her not to send him away. She is wracked by guilt. She knows that she can no longer care for him -- she's way past the end of her tether, gone so far as to think about using the Tiptree Solution. I can only hope she realizes how much her children and grandchildren would be affected, and will refrain for their sakes.

They do have long-term care insurance. That is a blessing. It was purchased back in the day when insurance companies would only cover in-facility care (as opposed to these days, when in-home care is also on most decent policies). She knew this was coming, so he's already on the waiting list for the Alzheimer's unit in their town. If there's not a place for him there right now, she'll be looking for a regular facility that will take him right away. That's how bad it's gotten.

I am the only kid who can help financially. I don't have that much, but the others don't have anything, due to everything from career choices to the vageries of the economy. My mom's mother died about a year ago, and there's some inheritance there, but it's not liquid because the executor, my uncle, has not done his job due to his health.

So, I'm worried that my mother will lose her grip before she can get my dad into care. I'm worried that everyone will look to me to spend my own retirement funds, my kids' college funds, and my home equity to support my parents, leaving me with nothing to fall back in if G-d forbid we need those resources ourselves.

And, honestly, I hate getting on planes, and I know that I'm the one who will have to travel 2000 miles to help my mother deal with whatever sh*t she has to do to get this all done.

Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine.


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November 2008

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